And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
I am so thirsty for emotional and physical intimacy with someone
I want to nuzzle their neck and lay entwined on my bed and lazily kiss their lips and make them food get to know every single curve and contour they have
I want to touch someone with my finger tips and make them feel loved
My neighbor’s son was in jail for 12 years and he’s out dressing like it’s 2001 and using 2001 slang.
30 Day Challenge // Day 23 // Something That Makes You Happy
I’ve learned how to cook since I moved out to California. It’s therapeutic. And delicious~ I garnish everything with a fried egg, and I never regret it.
ambedo n. a kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details—raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee—which leads to a dawning awareness of the haunting fragility of life
SOULLESS SAM, IS THAT YOU? YOUR SASS METER HAS REACHED SOULLESS PROPORTIONS.
FUCK I JUST WOKE UP MY ENTIRE HOUSE
Harry Potter locations
Nice legs daisy dukes
WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!
why was i not expecting this i mean come on omg
"I hope all rapists go to jail for the rest of their lives!"
"and then when they get to jail they get raped everyday so they have a taste of their own medicine!"
Why shouldn’t they feel what their victims felt? Why are you defending a man who sexually forced himself on someone weaker than him wtf is wrong with you people
SURPRISINGLY BECAUSE I DONT FUCKIGN WISH RAPE ON PEOPLE